… DIG DEEP DOWN TO FIND THE STRENGHT

While there´s life there´s hope…

 

 

 

Two failed attempts to conceive by an IVF treatment were followed by many restless weeks. Than there was next stage waiting - the apathy phase. I was not in the power of ever changing moods anymore, I became cool and refused to even discuss another treatment options. I had enough, I am not taking this path ever again!  My closest tried to help me and kept providing our home with information so I would actually see them. There were articles about where to go for help, how much more there can be done, that two cycles of treatment is nothing (well, they can not imagine) and that most important is to calm down. Yeah, I knew that very well and being so apathetic I considered myself calm enough. But still, there were those facts harassing me - almost 36, my husband fed up with me and being unable to change feeling so lonely and empty…

For my 36th birthday I got a gift from all family – two weeks holiday at sea. I love sea and I knew right away what was going on in minds of everyone who gave such a present. I knew what they hoped for. Well, they hoped right! As I sat on the beach and watched sunrise next to my husband, carefully listening to the peaceful sound of the waves and watched the miracle of a new day, I finally felt absolute peace and tranquillity. What a feeling! And then something inside had moved. I leaned to my husband with huge  sigh of relief I had not felt for a long time, if ever. I did not have to say anything, but I think my husband could feel I had find strength to fight. The strength we all have within us.

After a wonderful and relaxed summer there came  new stage. Get ready stage. I was reading scientific articles, was going through IVF clinics´reviews and managed with healthy insight evaluate what they could offer. I was looking for simple indicators – if I like them and if I can see myself there. I refused to have treatment  in an environment that resembles a hospital. I did not want a pragmatic approach and strange faces anymore. I wanted more, in order to soothe and heal.

But in the end I did not know how to actually choose.  Each of the clinic I found claimed to be  the best, with outstanding results and therefore I should choose them. One clinic offers this extra bonus, another one that.  So, how to choose? Why are there so many options?

Then my husband suggested that it might not be a bad thing to go for treatment abroad.  Why not to separate IVF experience from our ordinary days completely. To bring those worries concerning having baby to different place, far beyond our familiar zone, would mean we will not associate those experiences with our home in future.

There was definitely something about it. I had started looking all over the Europe immediately. And then I found it! My building, my fated place I could imagine myself so easily. MY clinic!

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